so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I smell stomach acid.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
