I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
