Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
