Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
