i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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