I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
