STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
