Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.