Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.