Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
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What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.