also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE