I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
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Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.