he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??