that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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