fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
