She's JV to your varsity
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Welp...herpes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
