this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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