I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize