We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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