Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
