i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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