With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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