whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
