I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
