he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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