Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
