My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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