All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
whose parrot is this?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
