I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize