I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize