I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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