her vagine was all disorganized.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
