He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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