Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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