Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize