We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
