THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
