Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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