My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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