Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
