i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
