if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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