i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His hands were made for my vagina.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
