Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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