it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
