You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
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Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.