Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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