i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".