Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money

  (813): View more from Florida

  sounds like you understand them just fine

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  (901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money (813): sounds like you understand them just fine http://tfl.nu/0zfp
  Replies (10) Good night (1794) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES

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  (619): DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES http://tfl.nu/9dpy
  Replies (23) Good night (5092) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

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  (703): just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/c4j4
  Replies (26) Good night (707) Bad night (6848)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

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  (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory http://tfl.nu/t9t2
  Replies (21) Good night (11110) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.

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  (617): i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it. http://tfl.nu/hw4z
  Replies (105) Good night (7642) Bad night (2019)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.

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  (781): I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on. http://tfl.nu/begu
  Replies (6) Good night (3877) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.

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  (206): thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it. http://tfl.nu/8gdu
  Replies (2) Good night (2883) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes

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  (203): Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes http://tfl.nu/04zg
  Replies (10) Good night (1205) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

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  (860): You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie. http://tfl.nu/zzfj
  Replies (17) Good night (3476) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day

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  (904): Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day http://tfl.nu/vw4k
  Replies (6) Good night (1385) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies

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  (310): yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies http://tfl.nu/gofo
  Replies (3) Good night (1037) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Formal letter or email.

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  (647): How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks? (416): Formal letter or email. http://tfl.nu/qlv5
  Replies (4) Good night (1308) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.

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  (815): So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit. (815): Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message. http://tfl.nu/tst8
  Replies (0) Good night (666) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.

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  (330): I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake. http://tfl.nu/lvqj
  Replies (0) Good night (484) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics

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  (619): I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics http://tfl.nu/vxyz
  Replies (2) Good night (372) Bad night (236)

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