Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I want a musical about memes.