You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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