Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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