Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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