Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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