if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
