I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
