dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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