let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
