please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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