they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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