No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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