found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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