I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
