So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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