YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
