And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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