She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
