6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
