I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
