im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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