i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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