Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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