Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize