i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
