found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
birth control should be required to get into college
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
