4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
