He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
