the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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