phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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