you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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